They stare at her in admiration. Her fresh acetone nails. The scent of her name brand perfume and the glimpse of her neckline. Hair locks glistening in the natural flow of the wind traveling. A body of a goddess that curves with the waves of ocean waters. Face dolled up in a contoured constitution. A smile, that a man cannot refuse. The center of absorption and the attention of many.
As a female, it is easy to speak ignorantly of how she isn’t natural without the makeup upon her face. To complain of her enhanced features using artificial materials and mechanisms. To creating a base of saying you are the high-definition of beautiful just because using make-up isn’t in your everyday routine to beautifying yourself, insisting you only wear it on special occasions. To saying you are naturally blessed and this girl isn’t. Honestly in my opinion, saying secretly without modesty in irony that you believe you are far more appealing than her without a direct statement.
I am bewildered. Astonished at the many opinions that criticize the ones who don’t criticize you.
Criticism from someone who doesn’t need it. Obviously criticism is not wanted. To looking how you want shouldn’t be a catwalk of gossip of your individuality regardless of the layers of liner and foundation. For when a male puts his two cents in it, it has more damage because it isn’t based on jealousy but true colors in his remark.
If she isn’t yours, one shouldn’t worry or more importantly, speak.
On previous terms, that mentality of a mindset of putting myself first has been in play lately. Is it a phase of moving on from being spoon fed a false claim of protection? The protection I’ve never felt but long for. It feels as though the fighter is waiting to be unleashed. Awaiting a knock out to a concussion. To knock a little sense of fulfillment of satisfaction to extend a smile that reaches the two corners of a rare facial expression.
Ever felt the cliché feeling of being in a crowd and just feeling lonely?
I love that feeling.
Because it’s you, aware of your own self.
While everyone in that crowded room is concerned about everyone else, you are in your own mindset and point of view. Just look at everyone concerned about everyone.
Lately, I’ve been cherishing being a mystery to myself. I’ve come to the fact that I enjoy being unnoticed. To the point where I don’t want to stand out. Therefore there is less pressure and expectation when one keeps quiet. The boastfulness and contentious behavior I sometimes possess makes me regret my announcements to the fact that I am disappointed with my statement. Sometimes, I wish I’ve never spoken my goals to any being. The vexation of being asked “Where are you going?” piques me most. Do you know where you’re going? Exactly. It’s not for certain. Although these questions being asked are innocent and unintentionally offending, I feel as though the one asking it is wishing a verdict of failure towards the objectives I want to pursue.
Is this the insecurity taking over? The fear? The doubt? That’s when isolation takes over the mind and actions causing the outlook of the social scene to be baffling at the moment. You kind of sit back and guffaw at the cliché adieu’s that take place when fall comes. It’s phony and spurious. So is the writer of this blog at times. If I were to say I am real at all times, then that is the bullshit to my humanity. Fess up readers, you know you had to fake your way through scenarios to survive. It’s the generation we live in.
My humanity and persona is ever-changing.
To regret, to fight, to laugh, and one day to love. I will always be afraid but never will I let that prevent me from striving on through hindrance. I can be a coward but it’s a choice I refuse to choose because the dream of obtaining love keeps me going.
As Frank Sinatra says, “You’re nobody until somebody loves you.”
Although the opposite sex shouldn’t be a priority in my career now, it’s a pleasant thought I have to look forward to.
Let this be my motivation. To dream of an embrace I will own for the rest of my life. To let there be endless laughter. A security of faithfulness. Eyes that see one. To gallant and chivalrous gestures. A ring. A child. A life where I can finally call someone “mine.”
An approval to dream,